Nov 2014
Waves of pain rise and fall in my chest, relentlessly.
My heart breaks over and over.
It breaks so much now that I worry that I will develop an emotional callous.
This lesson that I so painfully had to endure appeared to be about the other person,
but it was really about me; it was completely my lesson to learn.
And I learned. I will never forget this lesson.
I ignored the deepest parts of my being that were shouting "STOP!"
And these intuitive voices were warning me in all sorts of ways that what I was
embarking on was dangerous for both the fragility of my heart and for my future career.
Yet, I still ignored all the signs and devoted myself completely to a person who wasn't worth all the sacrifice I was so willing to give.
And so here I sit, in my misery, yet I am wiser now. I would hope I am. Yes, I am.
I devote and give my full loyalty to my intuition and the health and well-being of my soul.
I have learned to recognize her voice and I will now be in complete service to my soul and God for the rest of my life.
I will be a person of purity, of integrity, of Truth. I am already a person of love, and now is the time to learn new things; new lessons.
What remains is forgiveness. I forgive the person whom so very much broke and continues to break my heart.
I forgive all the betrayal, all the other women, all the lies, all the manipulation and deception. I will always
remember all of that evilness, as I sit here and forgive it.
At this point in my life cycle, I am too old to hold onto fresh wounds. I have enough childhood wounds to heal,
I simply don't have the resilience and stamina to tightly hold onto new wounds. And so, to heal and to finish
the lessons of this relationship, I must let go. I completely forgive him and everyone else involved.
Forgiveness is so difficult when the wrongdoing was so bitter and emotionless. Like a mechanical predator, he was. No heart, no empathy; sociopathic.
But, at some point, everyone has a heart. Everyone's heart is vulnerable and can be broken at some point in their lives. His heart was broken over and again.
He grew a callous on his heart and that is even more of a reason to forgive him. When someone practices infidelity with no emotional remorse,
then that person is broken. That person needs all the love and forgiveness of the Universe. He needs as much love and purity as what is contained in the whole Universe. As much as I despise all the hideousness of him and the situation, I still forgive him. And my act of forgiveness frees me from the agonizing pain I feel now. Over time, my heart will heal and years from now, I will look upon this day and this time in my life with gratitude and with the satisfaction that I did the right thing. I did what love does -- I forgave.
My heart breaks over and over.
It breaks so much now that I worry that I will develop an emotional callous.
This lesson that I so painfully had to endure appeared to be about the other person,
but it was really about me; it was completely my lesson to learn.
And I learned. I will never forget this lesson.
I ignored the deepest parts of my being that were shouting "STOP!"
And these intuitive voices were warning me in all sorts of ways that what I was
embarking on was dangerous for both the fragility of my heart and for my future career.
Yet, I still ignored all the signs and devoted myself completely to a person who wasn't worth all the sacrifice I was so willing to give.
And so here I sit, in my misery, yet I am wiser now. I would hope I am. Yes, I am.
I devote and give my full loyalty to my intuition and the health and well-being of my soul.
I have learned to recognize her voice and I will now be in complete service to my soul and God for the rest of my life.
I will be a person of purity, of integrity, of Truth. I am already a person of love, and now is the time to learn new things; new lessons.
What remains is forgiveness. I forgive the person whom so very much broke and continues to break my heart.
I forgive all the betrayal, all the other women, all the lies, all the manipulation and deception. I will always
remember all of that evilness, as I sit here and forgive it.
At this point in my life cycle, I am too old to hold onto fresh wounds. I have enough childhood wounds to heal,
I simply don't have the resilience and stamina to tightly hold onto new wounds. And so, to heal and to finish
the lessons of this relationship, I must let go. I completely forgive him and everyone else involved.
Forgiveness is so difficult when the wrongdoing was so bitter and emotionless. Like a mechanical predator, he was. No heart, no empathy; sociopathic.
But, at some point, everyone has a heart. Everyone's heart is vulnerable and can be broken at some point in their lives. His heart was broken over and again.
He grew a callous on his heart and that is even more of a reason to forgive him. When someone practices infidelity with no emotional remorse,
then that person is broken. That person needs all the love and forgiveness of the Universe. He needs as much love and purity as what is contained in the whole Universe. As much as I despise all the hideousness of him and the situation, I still forgive him. And my act of forgiveness frees me from the agonizing pain I feel now. Over time, my heart will heal and years from now, I will look upon this day and this time in my life with gratitude and with the satisfaction that I did the right thing. I did what love does -- I forgave.
