maybe writing this isn't a very good idea right now. and maybe i'm writing to the wrong person, but i don't really know what else to do right now.
it's so sad, because i know you don't really know my problems the way i wish i could speak to you about them. i know you don't care enough, or maybe you just can't find it in you to understand, or to even want to understand.
this being said, i don't know what else to say to you. i guess i just wish you were here. even though there are many other places you'd rather be, then here comforting me.
i guess i just love you. and that's really not fair. really, really not ******* fair and it ***** and i'm hurt.
i guess i'm always hurt.
i guess i'm never really ok.
i guess that's why i'm hard to be aroun.
and why you choose not to be.
which is why it's come so silent between us,
we're so distant.
but i'm in an empty church parking lot
where we once sat together and laughed at nothing at 12:06AM
ignoring the phone calls from our parents
not ready to go home
just yet.

i miss that.
i miss you.

love always, your .... whatever.