I remember as a kid growing up in the presence of a lovely man. 
You see he was not just a man to me, he was a father. 
Each and every time I saw him my heart and eyes would glow. My ears would become red,
My cheeks would touch my ears
And I would rejoice. 
When it was time for him to leave
My eyes would become red,
My ears could hear the heart beat of a broken heart. 
But he would make it a point I smiled at the end of it all. 
"Barbie girl" he called me. 
You see this man lifted me up, 
He laughed with me
A day would not pass without him calling me. 
Whatever I needed came within a jiffy.
He would hurt inside if he saw tears in my eyes.
Not even a single soul was allowed to hurt me because they knew that my father had my back. 
This man was my lifetime partner 
He was my rock
He was best friend
He was my physical shield. 

Now that I'm grown with these curves
With the resemblance of my father. 
With his teeth that I smile with. 
With the pain that I have without him
With this confusion that keeps on tearing me apart. 
With a heart so hurt that it aches as if each and every part of it is being tampered with by a careless soul.
I never knew that a person can be dead and live at the same time.
I never knew I would spend days with no man being the reason behind my smile. 
I never knew that my father would let me be hurt by these beasts of the wild. 
Being jabbed by thorns of the red cave.
No longer do my cheeks reach my ears. 
A Five year old girl cries in me
The mirror shows the reflection of a five year old me.
But those days are gone
Tormented into pieces
Seeing a man screaming I love you as if that's fucken true. 
Touching and feeling what  you don't fucken appreciate. 
That's not the man my father was. 
He showed me how a man is supposed to treat a woman by loving me. 
He held my my hand and showed me brighter and braver days. 

I wish I could say hear him say " I love you Barbie girl, no matter what you go through daddy will always be there for you, daddy will always protect you. "
But gone are those days.