Father.
Defined as "one who exercises parental care over another"
stressed on the words 'care' and 'another'.
Because the only care I saw
was occasionally he would be passed out on the couch,
a reprieve from the belt.

Let me tell you about my dad, if I may.
To everyone outside of the house,
he was an upstanding member of society.
Well educated,
hard-working,
brilliant.

In many ways,
I'm just like him.
So many characteristics passed,
no matter how much I try and deny.
In a way,
that's what scares me most.

Out in public,
putting on a persona,
calculating every action.
Behind closed doors,
finally being my true self. Abusive.
Instead of outwardly, though, my focus has always been inward.

One thing with my dad though,
is that he grew up the same way that I did.
Following the footsteps of his dad,
continuing the cycle.
What if that happens to me?
What if I can't control myself?

Its been six years
since I've seen him
skulking around.
Lurking. Hunting.
But in my estimation,
six years is fourteen too few.