The way I still cringe when I hear your name or tense up when I hear your voice makes me wonder when I finally became mentally insane. It’s only been a month and a half, but it feels like an eternity of emotional pain despite constantly swearing I’m inane. I’m in this trance where I keep repeating every memory between you and me, hoping to figure out where it all went wrong so I can gather the right tools for fixing but then I remember how I was only a pawn for your drawn out game of apathy and not caring. I’m sorry I was so useless when it came to trusting because you trusted me when I continued doubting and that ****** you off because no one was the least bit understanding but I think I’m more understanding now because I know how tough it is when you’re trying everything by becoming the person that they’ve been begging you to be, but they’re too obstinate to be convinced that you are capable of actually caring enough to be redeemed. And god, I’m so sorry that while you were struggling, I was playing with my inconsistency and constant insecurity and entitlement to your attention and affection even though it made you uneasy. Things would have been so easy if I wouldn’t have ruined everything and I hope you also miss the way things used to be. I wish things would still be the way they were, but when the tools needed for fixing are broken too, the final product isn’t worth as much as something that is brand new.