I wish you could see how you make me feel. You seem to realize what you sound like, but you have no clue how it makes me feel. The fact that this is how you see me is insulting and hurts more than you could possibly understand. Every action and word out of my mouth is not a manipulation and the fact that you seem to think it is proves that you do not know me as well as I thought. I am ******* up and I do struggle with the urge to manipulate, but that does not mean that I am constantly manipulating others in everything I do. I fight that urge and when it comes to those I love, I usually win.  Whether it is acceptable to you or not, I do love you. No, not in the "I wanna be with you" sense.  I love you in the sense that no matter how much this crap kills me, I am willing to fight for you. I am willing to fight for this friendship. Do not expect me to be okay with this though. I will not give up on you, but I am hurt and I do not have the right words to make you understand. So I write here. You may see it someday, you may not. I am not attaching a name for a reason. It could be about you, or him, or even her. This is my release to strangers and the few friends I trust to read the stuff that I put up here. So be mad at me or annoyed at me if you must, but know that at the end of the day I did not and will not walk away. That should count for something.