I have this really bad attitude
And by attitude I mean I will be whoever you want me to be
To get you to notice me because I really
really
Love you- I mean like you- I mean I barely even know you.. honestly--
But I imagine all of these surreal nights of dark greens and blues and kicking off our shoes and crawling into bed and folding into each other, layer after layer,
I concoct all of these silly soliloquies of how I adore you, and all of the ways I will show I care like taking on the world together and playing with your hair
And it makes no sense because I have only known that you exist for maybe 2 months But it's a nice break for my mind to create a shrine of you and replay moments over
and over

Instead of constantly poking and prodding at all of my own little discrepancies
and flaws in my brain chemistries
and thoughts of jumping off third floor balconies

Please
Don't take me seriously
Because I know that I don't know how all of this is supposed to be
I watched my father chase after women who only made him feel inadequate
And I watched my mother only crave men who buy her fancy dinners then scream at her until she did what they told her to

They're both dependent on other people to make them feel like life is worth living
I might be dependent
I won't allow myself close enough to anyone to find out
So I guess it's a good thing that i definitely don't love you, I don't like you, honestly, I barely even know you