As sleep washes over me,
I'm reminded of you again.
Your dead, cold eyes
and that sly, sick smile.
I remember how at first
everything was perfect.
You were the epitome of
the handsome, dark gentleman.
Dates and movie nights;
flowers at my doorstep.
I thought I was in love.
I thought we could take on the world
together.

But the nights grew cold.
The flowers shriveled and died.
Date nights and movie nights
became parties.
I was too young to know
that beer tasted like ****.
And I was too young to understand
that love was not shown with fists.

Nothing I did was good enough;
nothing could satisfy your needs.
You always thirsted for more
than my young body could give.
No became a useless word-
What good did it do, anyway?
You always took what you wanted.

Compliments and kind words
morphed into hideous insults
and painful slurs.
Ideas that still haunt my mind.
How can I feel beautiful,
when you always put me down?
Always told me nobody loved me
like you did.
That I was fat and ugly,
and weak beyond reason.

Why do I still suffer?
8 years and you still have a hold
on my broken and aching heart.
I can't handle these nightmares;
the agony of your calloused hands
around my bruised throat.
Your cracked lips telling me
to shut my mouth.
That my screaming would get me
nowhere.
I can still feel the pain from
my "first time."
When you told me I was a good girl,
right before you beat me unconscious.
I can still feel your breath on my neck
as your friends held me down
and took what they desired.

I can't even sleep at night
without checking to make sure
all of the doors are locked tight.
Can't even kiss my fiance without
seeing your face staring back at me.
8 years ago began my nightmare,
and even though you're behind bars,
the pain still rips me apart.
How much longer will I suffer,
before you get what you really wanted?
How many more years will I fake a smile,
while praying you'll never get out?
These memories still linger in my head,
threatening to burst out.
I wish for just one day of peace,
before I can no longer go on.