Leaning left and right,
Another day spent in bed.
My clothes hang loose yet are too tight.
I can’t unread things that I have read,
Nor can I unsee pictures of them,
Protruding, piercing and sharp,
Thinking of and wishing over again
Is it worth it? A change of heart,
A change of everything,
My body, my mind and my emotions,
Just so my clothes don’t cling,
Some just laugh at the notion,
They can’t see it inside
My head, my complexity,
I want to wither, I want to hide.
They think it’s vain but it’s my extremity.

All I want is to smile at my reflection
I want to be the proof of my declaration
I will try, persevere and strive
But is it worth it when I’m not alive?
I know I won’t stop, I know this is my end,
This is obsession, not vanities latest trend.

All I want… is not to want.