sometimes i try to stop breathing
i have no end game
no intent to hurt myself
but sometimes i put my head under water
and hold my breath until my lungs ache

but then there are the times
when my body stops breathing for me
i struggle/ taking quick/ ragged breaths
unable to make my lungs feel full
and this is when it feels like drowning
and all i can do is lay still
and feel the weight in my chest dragging me
                                                                ­                 d
                                                              ­                      o
                                         ­                                              w
                                                               ­                            n

it's strange how someone can feel empty
yet so heavy