i don't feel anything
i don't want to feel anything
if i did feel, then i would feel every bladed smile creep up my wrists and i would feel the hollow of your missing love in my breast and then the  walls would fall and the your lips pressing into mine would mean something and the earth and sun and stars would shatter and the fireworks in the childrens eyes would cease to glow and blood would rain down like water and the lips of politicians would be dripping with lies  and the antagonist would get off scott-free andandandandand
it would hurt