Comfort Zone has a sale on:
Live no lives for the price of one.
Admittedly, it's not a good deal
but I'm always there, always browsing.
One bedroom comes with a comfy bed and TV.
Buy now and get a year of solitude
absolutely free.
Of course I could always shop around -
one more year at Comfort Zone
or should I switch my life provider
to Grow The Hell Up? Maybe The Real World?
After all, they do have benefits for new customers:
I checked with Real World and they offer
three years agonising anxiety, but guaranteed success
(small print: success not guaranteed).
Real World offers free training
in socialising, public speaking,
dealing with catastrophic failure.
But Comfort Zone does have that bed and TV...
Plus it's a great anti-aging cream:
I'm twenty-three going on fifteen.

One word of advice:
If you do try to leave Comfort Zone
they will call you,
send you letters,
bribe you with better deals,
slander their competitors.

When you do switch to Real World,
just go.
Leave Comfort Zone
and never let them know.