The moment we forgot we were just good friends
You moved your arm, my face went red again
One more bus home, another silent weekend

You said love silently unfolds
And the owner mustn't know
For time will surely show
We'll return to the place we go

A comfort kneading against your sweater
"Keep your head up, we'll get better"
I do as I'm told, not as I tell
Regardless, though, my heart still swells

What - or who, am I to wince at your words?
To feel resent, betrayal, jealousy
About things you haven't said to me
Who am I? (To you?)

I wonder what you're doing right now
It's too cold in here.
Are you pondering something, perhaps?
I didn't eat yet today.
Is someone bothering you; would I be able to help?
I'll have to boil water for my bath later.
How many times do you think softly of me? Or at all?
I haven't brushed my hair, I wonder how messy I look.
I wonder if there's a part of a song or book you've fallen enticed by..
What are those sirens going off for?
I hope you're safe right now, and no one hurts you.
I have school tomorrow, I have to do that worksheet.
Would you still be uncomfortable if I were to hold you for a few seconds too long?
Would you still pull away if I said I want to kiss you?
Oh no, I'm crying again
Would you still sing to me
Not because something's happened, as it did then
But because I'm crying, as I was then?
Would you still sing to me?
Would you still sing?

Matter not how self destructive I was
For I've changed and I can say that firmly
I can say it proudly
I can say it loudly

Matter not how I blamed the world for my mistakes, my bad decisions
For I have changed, and I know it so
I acknowledge my own flaws,
My own bad judgement.

And I let it go.
I have learned to not let it eat at me
Because it's okay
I am fine

I do not need you anymore.
Or so I tell myself
Because how could I let myself
Believe otherwise?

Or is that self-destructive too?
Have I gone wrong again?
Oh but this is all for not
What good am I doing now

All of this, all of it is pointless.
You are of the past,
You will never ever meet with me again
In our secret place

You will never ever brush the hair out of my face
While I look up at the sun
And then I look into your eyes
You will never ever be there again.

So then I will not be there either.
You will never ever see me floating there again.
You will never ever see me smile at your arrival again.
You will never ever feel my hands on your back as I push you to swing a bit higher again.
You will never ever feel my nose nuzzle your arm, playfully begging for your attention again.
You will never ever see me in that floral dress again.

And I, will never ever forgive myself for loving you still.