I Lied
the last time we spoke
You could have handled it
I couldn't
The Truth

The Truth Is
I couldn't handle
a tiny baby
wrapped in pink
in my arms
and knowing
knowing that she'd face
the same struggles I had
(I do)
The struggles
that are invisible to everyone else
But those who face them

The Truth Is
I do feel that darkness
the desperation
the desolation
even when I'm in a sea of people

And that sea
feels like it will swallow my down
close in on my and sink me to my own ocean
of self hatred
my voice leaves me
my happiness was left ashore
(a long time ago)

The Truth is
I couldn't handle knowing
as the moon rose to his apex
that as your brothers went out
as your peers partied
you would wander the streets
restless
feckless
and haphazardly
Not seeing the world around you
Not recognizing the world around you
walking through it
as though walking through a pool of molasses
Languidly and morosely
in a trance of forever dejection

I couldn't handle knowing
you were out there
as the drunks on the streets hooted and hollered
and reached out to touch you
And you walked on
Not realizing their ulterior motives

The Truth is
I couldn't as you fell
for the first man to love you
because love was such a foreign emotion
(I would love you
but you would fear the love of all others
push them away
without even realizing)

I couldn't stand watching
as that love turned cold and horrible
and you never even realized
(because I had never given you
a good relationship
to look up to)
as that man, boy
exploited your heart
took liberties that he never should have

The Truth is
I do see the demons
moving in the shadows at night
moving in the bright light of day

The Truth is
I feel the molasses desolation
the sea of hatred
the listless nights

The Truth is
I knew you would feel the same things
I couldn't do it
I couldn't watch as you ruined yourself
I couldn't stand watching you
become me