pick up the gun put it to your head pull the trigger you are your very own death wish you are your very own suicide note don't hesitate this time don't be a coward be not afraid for this is the peace you have prayed for this is the forgiveness you have longed to taste since the day your heart fell from its perch in your chest to beat its wings like a dying bird against the unforgiving pavement this is a blessing written on a bullet in blood that hasn't been spilled yet this is a blessing this is relief from the long nights staring at the ceiling trying to count how many reasons there are to stay and realizing that you've got a list as long as one and the opposition is coming at you with its big guns this is relief empty the bottle you'll need all the pain killers you have you'll need all the jack daniel's you have taste it sour on your tongue don't you know child this is what freedom tastes like shift what are you doing how could you do this to them think of someone else for once in your god ****** life you pull that trigger and you leave you siblings alone your mother gets one more child six feet under are you really going to cause that how are you going to justify this you fool do you really think this will fix anything with you dead what will happen you'll have set a precedent you'll have established the idea in your baby brothers' heads that the answer to hard times is at the bottom of the bottle of ibuprofen to be followed quickly with the last of a bottle of *** that you found in the back of the cooking cabinet and that tastes more like fire than the rage burning just beneath your skin shift don't back out now don't be a coward you can do this you can make this change you can get away you can be free you can be happy you can be dead pull the trigger drain the bottle swallow the pills tie the rope stand on the chair loop it around your neck like a strand of pearls count to three and jump this is the last time you'll look at these walls and tremble with the fear of living this is the last time you'll look at these walls you can be free you can be happy you can be dead shift just picture it your mother sitting in a black dress she's wearing her earrings for this you know dug them out of the bottom of that jewelry box that she hasn't opened since great grandpa died you did this you did this you did this your little sister cries for the first time since she was nine your baby brother asks why you killed yourself asks why he wasn't good enough blames himself blames you blames god you did this your grandmother angel that she is finally gets to hear about what a disappointment you are except she hears it secondhand from the trembling lips of a friend or a will that you write while holding your freedom in one hand and what sort of victory is that what sort of coward are you that you come out to your family in a suicide note shift no this is freedom this is happiness this is eighteen years of being told you aren't good enough do it do it do it do it you can do this this is the one thing you can do this is the one thing you have control over this is your escape this is your freedom tied together with a string it's been waiting for you all this time all you have to do is welcome it with open arms shift how could you shift please don't back out now shift what about your father shift this is what you're good at shift funny how i can't seem to think of a reason not to die that has anything to do with me