I never know when it'll happen

But it'll hit me

like a wave
like a wall
like pavement
You could have stood up any time
And I wonder how you couldn't have thought of your friends
or your family
or me
and rose off your knees to continue to breathe
You could have stood up anytime
I wonder if you knew that I'd never hear a guitar the same
once I knew how tightly the string was wrapped around you
as if it was a snake and you were its prey
you could have stood up anytime
I wonder if you knew that every time we pass train tracks in the car
I have to lift up my feet
and I think about how no matter which one I cross
it'll lead me to where you were that night
You could have stood up anytime
I wonder if you knew what would happen to me
that'd I'd spend time in the hospital
get voices in my head
blame myself, blame everyone else
You could have stood up anytime
I wonder if you knew that I would think
day after day
sometimes on purpose, other times not
that you could have stood up anytime
*But you didn't.