You took a twisted part of me
And made it utterly broken.
Will I ever be able to live a repaired life?
Maybe, but not because of you.
You told me I was fat
When I was bulimic
You knew I had an eating disorder
Yet we talked about it maybe once
And you continued to pressure me to be the best at everything.

No empathy in my home
No, not for a disturbed, attention-seeking child
Who is really more damaged and broken
Than you will ever understand
Even if you don't care to see that.
To you,
She is just a selfish spoiled brat
Even if that was true, who's fault would that be again?
Who is trying to make your life miserable.

I wish you knew
That I cry in my bed every night
Curled up like a little child
Wishing I was lovable.

I wish you knew
Every time I purged
Back in that dark time in my life
I kept playing back the words
Daddy wants me to be thin
He won't yell at me anymore if I lose weight.
Even though that is a lie that still penetrates every ounce of my being
Because I know I will never be good enough for you.

I wish you knew
Every time I looked at the scale
I saw your face
And the number always made you angry.
I would tell myself how you would be angry with me
If I did not lose at least ten pounds in a week
So I would go harder.

I wish you knew
Every time I even began to believe I was pretty
You took that dream from my hands
And squashed it between yours.
You stole a lot of my self-confidence
And I do not know if I can ever forgive you for that.

Every cut
Every purge
Every tear
Every drop of self-hate
Every bit of longing for acceptance
All stem from you.

They are all for you
So take them as gifts
And treasure them against your cold heart
As maybe they will finally thaw it out.