I have a haemorrhoid, 
It causes me much pain,
I once strained too much,
Unfortunately dislodging this vein,

Sometimes it causes hemorrhaging,
Especially when lacking fibre, 
I wish I could fix this with duct tape, 
Like a lavatory dwelling Macgyver

Or maybe some elastic bands,  
Potentially it could fall off, 
Then I wouldn't have to check my *** 
When letting out a cough.