She smiles
and the stretch of her lips is an expression of the stretch of emotions she is fighting,
those curves in her smile are places to hide her insecurities,
her arteries pump blood of pain and stress
coz her white blood cells gave up on her just like everyone else
and her immunity was low,
guard down
so she is vulnerable for attack in the area of her heart.
She takes pills to make her sleep
hoping she would sleep forever
cz the daytime is just another reminder
that she has to relive her pain over and over again
that’s engrained in her mind body and soul,
her wrists she covers with bracelets to hide the slits and bruises.
She is a pathological liar
with an everyday response to how are you as
I am fine,
im ok,
im good
yet she’s really not..
Certain secrets don’t allow her to leave the house without 6 layers of foundation.
Certain wounds don’t allow her to interact with friends without
covering up her frown with a fake smile like she posing for a camera,
bruises that make her desire death but she even to cowardly to cut her life short
so she cut everything else on her body
and inflict as much pain that would make easier the emotional trauma
and shes too proud for therapy,
shes a christian,
and shes been told over and over again that her anxiety and mood disorders are a lack of faith,
a lack of deliverance,
a seek for attention
so she dares not reveal her medical condition.
But she still smiles,
one of the best actors I know,
shes bleeding inside and she still stands
coz she is a woman who bleeds every month and to her its the same thing.
Believes she has the capacity to bleed and forget
but the mind is a stronghold,never forgets a thing.