I wish i didnt exsist

I wish i had no body, maybe just for a moment

I don't wish it in an emo depressive way
I'm not one of those poor countless souls that cut their wrists with razor blades in hopes
They can spell out help in blood.

I'm no longer the girl who hates the curves that surround her, and wishes herself into a skeleton.

I don't have a wish to end my life,
I wish to be completely part of all existence
Instead of separate in this one body.

People look to me as a friend or neighbor.
A girl or woman. Size me up. Size me down.
Tell me to smile, ask me to speak.
Beg to own pieces of my spirit and identity
Request that their relationship with me be significant
Or exclusive. Shame my choices or my prudence.

I want no part in this. It belongs to us all.
I just want to be. My face in the sky.
My hands in the fire
My feet in the moss
My eyes,
Let them belong to the sea. The salt water tears and the eternal blue of crashing waves

If my body were no more, i could hear the earths heart beat. If my body were gone
My spirit could inhabit every mountain waterfall. Every friendly word. Every lovers touch. Distance doesn't exist if you are nowhere and everywhere at once.
Without my conscious, i could think of many things. Without the insecurities of self and ego. I could wonder at the complexities of life.  
I could breathe in stars and echo and dream with the imagination of a sleeping moth.

I could exist in every dimension. In all possible futures, in every world .

I could exist outside the shell of all that is in that beautiful in between. Where all the things that have happened, are happening, and will happen exist side by side in a cluttered jumble of the impossibly true.

And i could sit beside you. And hold your head in my thought hand. And brush your hair with my thought fingers. I could kiss you with my thought mouth. And take you flying with my dream wings.
I could be ****** inside your every breath like specks of light seen in dusty sunbeams. I would flood your body with every beat of your heart. Warm your every extremity. Circulate through your mind and flash your brain with dopamine.

I want to exist completely. I want to blur the edges. From me and (you)niverse.

My wish to die is my greatest love poem.
My words lie down on the page in prostrated adoration of all existence.

But I love this mortal cage, this beautiful miracle of life and breath. These lungs these legs, this bounding heart. It stops one day. It melts away. It feeds the ground. It makes no sound.

My heart will deflate, a nail will rust and moss will cover me.

And i'll have gone. Become the wind.
For now this place is my truest home.
And i care for her and let her grow,

And try and hear the earths heartbeat
But instead my stomach growls and my fingers twitch. And little plastic toys go bing in the night. So let me sleep.

And dream of oblivion.

And when i wake i'll accept my existence with grace and gratefulness.


For Angels wish for flesh

And i wish for death

The wind wishes it was a kite

Blind wish for sight

Owls beg for night

And shadows wish for light.

And I wish...