he had just texted
me saying that he read
the letter i wrote him
over five times.
he said he could not stop
smiling,
and that he wants to change
to be a better boyfriend to me.
he fails to notice that i
don’t want him to change,
because when people change
they figure out that they are better off
with someone who is one hundred percent
stable;
im about seventy nine percent.
im almost there baby,
just a little longer.
i am so ******* glad you
are changing to get better,
it’s been too long and there were too many
stormy-eyed nights
and its finally time for a
starry-eyed night.
we are doing so good;
we are flowing more than we ever did.
and im thankful for that,
i guess.
when you first met me,
you were a shady mess,
a mess that you thought was
unfixable.
i told you that i wouldn’t leave your side,
and i stuck to my word.
i tried fixing you the best i possibly could,
and kind of succeeded.
i wanted to fix you by phone calls
and late night texts,
explaining to you how much i love you.
i wanted to save you,
i still do.
i wanted to be that person to help you
no matter what time it is.
but from my perspective,
that is not how i helped you.
i had helped you in the most
humble way;
just by being me.
it’s a known fact that you love me,
*** doesn’t need to prove that.
and i guess that since you were able
to detach yourself from your sadness,
and attach yourself to me,
made you better.
i know you are terrified of losing me,
but i really ******* hope you know,
I will still be in love with you even if you
killed me at point blank range.


// {m.j.}