let’s just end this pleasantly you do what you please without this dreary back and forth vying for what exactly..?
any touch other than mine? some barren wasteland of some used up **** or greasy Mexican hardened ******* ****
this takes too much of my precious time or wasted time either way
i heard the faintly familiar sound of you running out on reality, like Alice chasing that elusive rabbit falling into a spiral downward facing dog
had your sleeves rolled up and denim pulled down hoping to fool yet another kind of beating ***** hidden beneath layers of thick cotton blend fabric whose fibers remind me of connection --
you know, that thing that we pretended to have.
like that time that I told you I owned a cat that died in the fire of an invented childhood
it felt almost real like us
you washed your hands three times that day and you still can’t get me off
can’t get me out from under your masticated claws
why so anxious?
i saw the nerves pulsating beneath your nearly transparent skin hands clammy and cold like your usual demeanor
you asked if I’d moved on, well, I hadn’t but my body did so I aggressed passively the way you begged me to
yes, she was prettier than you and yes, she was funnier than you yes, she gave a better kiss with softer lips and she tasted like a spoonful of sugar helped the alcohol go down
you secreted poison into us and into me lies soaked in formaldehyde dripping from between your trembling, dope sick walking sticks
an act you balanced well with no recognition of any sort of lines no black or white, just gray like the cloud hanging over your head
you rained down self loathing and dread and it soaked through my clothes til my skin wrinkled
i couldn't take it anymore i couldn't fake it anymore and i felt bad for lying to you
but in retrospect i should have lied a little more i should have yelled a little more to make you suffer just a little more
that night before the very end i sat alone, singing songs of unrequited love with a guitar between my legs while you screamed for drugs with a strangers **** between yours