Loving him is so **** hard
When I don’t know what we are anymore
I wish that we could go from the start
When everything was free and fun.

Smoking till I couldn’t walk
Lying in the car with him
As we waited for the others
The days when I was his doll
And everything I did he thought was adorable.

Now all that is abondoned
I want to regard him with contempt
But I can’t
I am not that way
And I hope that he is not either
But I never knew him so I can’t tell

I just want to talk to him
Have him answer my many questions
Tell me why he left
But he never will and I will never know
I will never be able to talk to him
never get the answers from him
No matter how much I implore
He will never talk to me again.

He will talk to her from now on
And never to me
But I understand and accept this pain
It’s better to have her happy than me
I was born to suffer in order to allow other’s happiness
They are happy
And I am not
And that is how it is supposed to be
And that is how it will always be
As a healer I must be the sufferer to know how to heal others
And I am learning that I was never meant to have him
He was a lesson that strengthened my belief
That I’m destined for solitude and exempt from intimacy