Some times I wonder if I can write without having something to inspire, as stupid as that sounds. You can write…but then there are times when you can WRITE and the world bows at the beauty of the language you compose. You sit and type for hours and hours on a reseeded brain where you wait out the little moments of your inner mind and place them on paper so meticulously that they seem like they belonged there. ***** secrets, inner dreams…many things that could never float to the surface are stirred in a little *** until they pop up at the tip of your typing fingers. You sit and think about nothing and get so much melodic forms that its incredible. Other times you find your heart lies in the strangest of places, or that your eyes see the weirdest things, or your sleep hides in the funniest of hiding spots. But like before you can’t write like this without inspiration – my inspiration tonight is the strange feeling that seems to turn my cheeks to flame. Or the strange fuzzy sensation in my stomach that seems to cause my cheeks to flush. It’s not as painful as it used to be, the gnawing agony of a heart being torn…not even close. It’s just the simple flutter that just makes a pleasant tickle to remind me it’s there. What I would give to have had this years before, how much I would have saved me – pain, crying, heart ache and humiliation. But this feeling is liberating, like alcohol, and my tongue seems to have a mind of its own as well as my fingers. The things I say under such tickling emotions is strange to me. I talk of hugs and embraces, possible touches and **** should I dare say a brush of a lip? God this curse never ends? But do I want it to? The only fear is of writing to much, talking to loud.  Fear of rejection can only wound so deep…it’s the fear of not really being wanted that gets you the most…but the tickling feeling helps you forget about that fear..if only for a moment.
If only I could write like this forever…instead of in the middle of the night, sleepless , half on my way to falling head over heels to much?