i wish i knew why i felt this way. why i feel like everything bad in the world is coming down on me at once. why i cant stop thinking about the easter egg hunt my parents set up for me and my sister were five, and how i saw them printing off the map the night before

im not sure why i feel like it wont ever get better
words and talking aren't going to make the world less painful
i wish i couldnt see the ugliness in people all the time
i can see large black smudges in the pits of their stomaches

i wish my mind didnt make up scenarios where you would come and save me. im not even asking to be saved im just waiting for you to come here and tell me it's ok, because it always is and just hug me.
i wish i didnt think that was the answer to this because it probably isnt

i wish the real reason wasnt stuck somewhere inside me in a black hole like mary poppins bag.