and even though
most days you've made me want to rip the skin right off my face
on a daily basis, tore me apart from the inside
when I see you in that shirt
you know that one, the shirt
I remember what it was like before you picked out my organs and re arranged them, smushed them back into place
when you smile I stupidly feel like it could happen.. you and me
but then i remember that I couldn't even bear to tolerate you
not when you've made me like this
not for another time
not now and not ever
no matter how nice that shirt is and no matter how many smiles you give out
not when the words that dripped out of that filthy mouth poisoned everything
it's debilitating, living knowing the things that you've said
it's also debilitating
knowing that I could never love you nor let you go.