he started counting cigarettes
the way he did every other night
he counted them like flower petals
with "she loves me"
and "she loves me not"
throwing them afterwards
to the street below.

he started counting cigarettes
the way he did every other night
he counted them like flower petals
but he inhaled the smoke
of the burning petals
and she filled his lungs
and lingered there
for what felt like years.

he started counting cigarettes
the way he did every other night
keeping in mind the seconds
he lost with each stick
he banged his head
against his fist
and cried apologetically.

he started counting cigarettes
the way he did every other night
but, today,
he thought he should stop
but he couldn't help it
it was the only thing left
that reminded him of her -
her nicotine lips
and her warm glow.

he started counting cigarettes
the way he did every other night
he tried to count the times
he said he'd forget
or he said he'd move on
he took another drag,
flicked it to the air,
and said,
"that's it for today."