I close my eyes and the smell of your jacket suddenly fills the air
I feel your chin resting on my shoulder
do you ever remember the days you admired my "beauty"?

I open my eyes and see the seasons change
autumn to winter; the colours, the joy in people's faces
"I hate winter" one says
the world replies, "how do you hate something so beautiful?"
and then it hit me

it was not the beauty you saw
it was the beauty you felt when we were together
it was the beauty in the words we spoke, the kisses we exchanged
it was the beauty in knowing each other
but maybe that's why you are no longer here
because as you got to know more and more, I was not as beautiful as you thought I was
because I was no longer a light to guide you
but a dark cave that you often got lost into
and I knew you never liked the feeling of being lost

I guess I should be happy you found your way out.

*a