Oh sweet melancholy hill..
Almost pushed over the edge,
But held on by love,
And change of mind.
The ability to persuade ones own thoughts
is such a gift you see.
It enables one to keep things locked
Deep inside to keep the peace.
I'll hold it back to keep you safe,
For you're already close to breaking,
Your body never ceases shaking.
Why might I add to such a disaster?
You see I'll hold back things for your own good,
Because it's the love that reminds me I should.
I don't need to put two cents in,
Even if mother says to let it go,
She says it's best for me and how dare she hurt me like this.
She says what audacity she has to forget the true reasons of the past and have such selfish tendencies.
But I know this love has lasted forever,
And I'm not going to be the one to end it,
As I still believe it has no end, my thoughts have started changing.
It's making me feel funny,
Like I don't have a choice in my emotions,
And they can blare out whatever they want when they feel like it, no matter who is staring.
These actions she's making are slowly breaking me, I feel lost and tainted.
Confused and frustrated.
Why oh why, what did I do? Am I not enough to get you through?
I realize now as the truth comes out I am not, and I've failed.
Failed to be there.
Failed to show I care.
Failed in every possible way I could have,  
But to make you laugh when the time is needed.
And provide medicine to wash the pain away,
But only for a brief moment of life...
Until it all comes back again, but worse without it.
Hopeless is close to the word I'm looking for.
But selfish is what I'm called instead...
Selfish sel-fish šëłfįśh
I do not understand,
But if my past closest says it too,
Well **** it must be true...
Or are all of them scared,
Scared of the guilt and tears?
Even my past closest must be scared too, along with the rest of them.
She's going through hell and I'm not there
for she doesn't realize what she's done in the act
and the pain and flashbacks she's put upon my shoulders and mind in the process of focusing on oneself...