I am no longer searching for reasons of why you would leave me.

Watching the lines grow deeper on your face
every time that I
doubted
your presence.

"I'm not going anywhere."
You have chimed, again and again.
Frustrated and flickering in and out of consciousness,
but resilient enough to repeat yourself
over,
and over.

Like a faint, but still glowing lightbulb,
in a cold basement cellar.
You do not light the way, but you provide some
comfort and warmth.
And without you I would certainly be
left in the dark.

You are safe.

I like that as time has gone on, I have crushed your castle walls,
piece by piece.

There are moment where I still find sensitive spots,
and I can see your shell snap shut around you whenever I run my
hands, or
words
across them.
So strong-willed in your solitude.

I have learned how you live your life like a current.
Drifting from place to place,
simply along for the ride.

I have seen your cool, collected, cavalier crusade
crumble and crack into
silent tongues, and sad, sorrow stares through soft eyes.

I have seen a boy who sheds tears for no one say
"I'm sorry"
through crystal, crying eyes.

My eager heart pushed it's way into an
entrance, just ajar,
and when the clam shell cranium slammed shut like a car door,
I was left broken and bleeding like a
smashed pinky finger.

So then I wondered
why would you shut up all of your doors to
the only person who has seen
windows
to your soul?

Every time you opened them,
I pried my way to the curtains, and
peered inside.
Hoping to steal tiny glimmers of your
light, until they could only
flicker.
In and out of existence,
like they are not sure if this is the right
room.
Or even the right house.

Foggy and blurry, you might close them
to get some rest,
or just recharge, if only for a moment.

But when a blinking, bleeding heart,
still beating and bright,
says it is lost, and in need of more light,
you might draw the curtains a little more tight,
just for the night,
and wake up in darkness.

When I demanded you light my way after I had
subdued your sunshine,
why would you leave anything unsaid?

But then again,
why wouldn't you?