help me decide

I am caught between
happy nothingness
and
uncertain bliss

the former,
an option of continuing
my current situation;
peaceful and
certain and
wonderful
though
bland

little happens
except for “hi”
and “hello”
and “how are you?”
and answers
to that
question

but,
as you can imagine
this is the best
feelings
I’ve had
in a
while

yet on the latter,
it is born,
from my internal desire,
that fire that always
wants more,
and I wants

her

it lashes at me
and
screams to me
and
tells me
“get her”
“get her”
“get her”

help me,
I beg you,
dear reader,
tell me
what to do.

if I deny it
this fire will get me
but if I bend to it
and try and make her mine,
even if she agrees,
I know another shadow awaits me
that terrible phantom,
guilt.