When I am in statistics I cannot focus because the world around me is ending in my mind slowly fading into something without meaning until I cannot breathe and I have to leave to go cry in the bathroom.
When I am in my statistics class I cannot focus because there is a boy there who looks like my favorite **** star I know what his ***** looks like or might look like Schrödinger's **** in a box.
I cannot help but stare at him and picture him in gym shorts and no boxers or cargo pants and no boxers or just in boxers or.
It's an uncomfortable feeling of morbid intrigue that makes me tap my toes too fast.
I want to know him.
I want to tell him that I love the way he smiles and laughs and communicate s and makes sure everyone is safe and happy.
I can only watch **** that has behind-the-scenes features. It's comforting to know that everyone is happy and everything is consensual and everyone is having fun. I get too invested in these people, too attached -
One time I had to give up and take a moment to breath because I was just so overwhelmed with pride Like a parent watching their kid graduate after all their hard work.
And that feeling is not okay.
And seeing that boy in my class is not okay,
Because I feel so proud of all he's accomplished So when he answers a question right in class all I can think about is When he ****** a **** on camera for the first time And the first time he licked whipped cream off another man's ******* And it's very distracting.
When I am in statistics I cannot focus because I start to worry that I will fail this class and then I start to worry that I will hate my future and then I worry about having a future in the first place, bunching up into an unfocused, panicking, asthmatic mess.
The **** star boy is a distraction.
It's because of him that I'm passing this class.
( and in a way, a stupid, silly way, it's because of him that I'm alive. )