Jan 2015
these thoughts you're having
they aren't actually real
i'm lying on the couch in my therapist's office
she didn't notice i nodded off
how does that make you feel?
you have to be ******* kidding me
she isn't kidding
i sit up on the couch
i didn't think people actually asked that
asked you "how you feel" about everything
she stares in silence
what do you want me to say?
she pursed her lips in preparation to speak
i cut her off
you know how i ******* feel?
i feel ******
i'm pretty messed up over all of this
i hate it
i hate that even the way
she ******* looks at me
brings me to my knees
i take a breath
i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm so angry all the time
you shouldn't apologize for how you feel
but i can't stop apologizing
somedays i wake up &
i feel my heart beating slower
my heart is so heavy with guilt
over something i know i couldn't control
& all i can think about is
how ******* sorry i am
i hang my head down
i can't even look at my feet anymore
because i hate where they are
i hate that they're not next to hers
i pause
do you know what it's like
missing someone so much
that you can't catch your breath
when you think of them?
she doesn't answer
i guess it doesn't matter because
that isn't even close
to how much i miss her
what do you miss about her?
they aren't actually real
i'm lying on the couch in my therapist's office
she didn't notice i nodded off
how does that make you feel?
you have to be ******* kidding me
she isn't kidding
i sit up on the couch
i didn't think people actually asked that
asked you "how you feel" about everything
she stares in silence
what do you want me to say?
she pursed her lips in preparation to speak
i cut her off
you know how i ******* feel?
i feel ******
i'm pretty messed up over all of this
i hate it
i hate that even the way
she ******* looks at me
brings me to my knees
i take a breath
i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm so angry all the time
you shouldn't apologize for how you feel
but i can't stop apologizing
somedays i wake up &
i feel my heart beating slower
my heart is so heavy with guilt
over something i know i couldn't control
& all i can think about is
how ******* sorry i am
i hang my head down
i can't even look at my feet anymore
because i hate where they are
i hate that they're not next to hers
i pause
do you know what it's like
missing someone so much
that you can't catch your breath
when you think of them?
she doesn't answer
i guess it doesn't matter because
that isn't even close
to how much i miss her
what do you miss about her?
