I look forward to cigarettes
Habits walking back into my life
Those I spent everything on
Just trying to push away for good
All of my endeavors failed
But they calm me down
Carrying stress away like a helicopter carrying someone too injured to wait longer for any other form of transportation
Carrying me like a mother holds her first newborn child, being especially careful, don't drop it
The spark of a lighter like a firework
A sweet flame, always comforting,
whispers,
"you couldn't change
even if you wanted to"
And I sit here
And in one hand, holds an escape to my pain
And in the other
My own throat