look at you, doll,
all straw stiff and still.
you stand there with your hands
on your hips, clutching
them in veneration. they wait to secrete
their venom.
your favorite thing to do was to always shoot
me the "**** me" eyes in a crowded room. you were told
to stay away. you still
asked for it. so, i made you beg.

but before,

she told me we were only cogs
in a clock.
i told her there was more than time,
but i didn't mean it.

i was adamant, demanding flesh.

i was young and stupid.
arrogant.
driving down dirt roads, past the rows of pine trees
my grandfather had planted as
a kid.
i played guitar on the hood of my car and sang
love songs to the moon.
i thought of myself as meaning
while my heathen cousins watched **** and clenched
themselves,
sweat on their necks and dripping
down their backs with no purpose.
mouths hanging open.

but then,

i drove away from her.
i left her naked, yet warm.
my friends told me i needed a sign around my neck
that read "proceed with caution."
reflectors and all so they could find their clothes.
i couldn't disagree. though
she couldn't say she didn't see it coming.
she was a release i needed at the best of worst
moments, nothing more.
i'm sorry for that. but i had warned her
every time.