Oct 2014
If I were to say goodbye
Don’t you dare shed a tear
Don’t say that you’ll miss me
Don’t pretend to care
If I were to say goodbye
Don’t bother saying it back
Just keep walking in the same direction you were going before-
Your face turned away
You promised to always be here
Always and forever
But I was a withered flower
That could no longer be made beautiful again
And it took you long enough to realise it-
Long enough to fill me with the deluded hope that maybe one day
Maybe my petals could be salvaged
Maybe the colour would return to my world of black and white no-
Not black and white but grey
A stain of grey that is neither shadowed nor radiant
Yet muting all at the same time
But it was my fault
For believing your empty promises
No you didn’t mean to shatter my faith in humanity
Not your intentions at all
Yet you did
But it was my fault
For having faith in the first place
For believing that the light at the end of the tunnel
Was the sun
Freedom
Salvation
No
It was the train that slammed into me head first as I impulsively charged towards it-
Hopeless, but hoping
I’m not dead though
Enough to feel the impact
But I am now paralyzed
Numb to any emotion
Almost as though morphine was so generously injected into every vein in my body
But it wasn’t the angels who helped to numb me
It was the demons
They cut my emotions away
“I will help you I will take it all away” they sang
They are my friends
But friends-
What are friends?
When I can’t trust anyone anymore
Surely I cannot trust them
Can I?
I feel nothing now
No love no joy no love
So when I do say goodbye
I would have broken these chains that slither so gracefully yet threateningly around my limbs and body
You cannot cry
When I do say goodbye
You may hate me
Hate every inch of my very existence
Hate me for leaving
Not “may” but please, I beg of you
“Do.”
Hate me for that would make it so much easier
Please don’t say you love me
I will not be able to say it back
I want my name to leave a bitter taste on your tongue
Like the ashes that I will become
I will fade into the dark forbidden corner of verboten memories
Where the monsters from forgotten childhoods live
Where the ghouls that had silently haunted live
Where demons hide
Where I will never be a vexation to anyone again
Goodbye
Don’t you dare shed a tear
Don’t say that you’ll miss me
Don’t pretend to care
If I were to say goodbye
Don’t bother saying it back
Just keep walking in the same direction you were going before-
Your face turned away
You promised to always be here
Always and forever
But I was a withered flower
That could no longer be made beautiful again
And it took you long enough to realise it-
Long enough to fill me with the deluded hope that maybe one day
Maybe my petals could be salvaged
Maybe the colour would return to my world of black and white no-
Not black and white but grey
A stain of grey that is neither shadowed nor radiant
Yet muting all at the same time
But it was my fault
For believing your empty promises
No you didn’t mean to shatter my faith in humanity
Not your intentions at all
Yet you did
But it was my fault
For having faith in the first place
For believing that the light at the end of the tunnel
Was the sun
Freedom
Salvation
No
It was the train that slammed into me head first as I impulsively charged towards it-
Hopeless, but hoping
I’m not dead though
Enough to feel the impact
But I am now paralyzed
Numb to any emotion
Almost as though morphine was so generously injected into every vein in my body
But it wasn’t the angels who helped to numb me
It was the demons
They cut my emotions away
“I will help you I will take it all away” they sang
They are my friends
But friends-
What are friends?
When I can’t trust anyone anymore
Surely I cannot trust them
Can I?
I feel nothing now
No love no joy no love
So when I do say goodbye
I would have broken these chains that slither so gracefully yet threateningly around my limbs and body
You cannot cry
When I do say goodbye
You may hate me
Hate every inch of my very existence
Hate me for leaving
Not “may” but please, I beg of you
“Do.”
Hate me for that would make it so much easier
Please don’t say you love me
I will not be able to say it back
I want my name to leave a bitter taste on your tongue
Like the ashes that I will become
I will fade into the dark forbidden corner of verboten memories
Where the monsters from forgotten childhoods live
Where the ghouls that had silently haunted live
Where demons hide
Where I will never be a vexation to anyone again
Goodbye
