My niece came round for dinner
promising lots of laughs
with pizza and a movie
since I'm stuck here on my ****
she brought a pepperoni
good and spicy just for me
the DVD she brought along
added the extra cheese.
It was a tale of vampires
poor persecuted folks
that fall in love with schoolgirls
as I sat waiting for the jokes
The fun was not forthcoming
thought my niece seemed quite enthralled
with this badly acted nightmare
as I sat there appalled
I saw a good bit coming
as the blazing sun shone down
on the pasty long dead hero
thinking that in flames he'd drown.
I waited for destruction
for the burning pain to start
Instead the ****** twinkled
like a little glowing star.
I've never seen such *******
such complete and utter crap
as our pasty long dead hero
glowed inside the vampire trap.
By the end my niece was crying
and frankly so was I
when she reached down for the sequel
with a tear still in her eye.
I told her I was fine now
I begged her to go home
I told her I was happy
to be here on my own.
But the little brat insisted
that I watch the whole ****** lot
I told her it's a broken leg
not a lobotomy I've got.
I quickly sent her packing
back to her own sweet home
with her ****** little box set
and to leave me well alone.