I never wanted you around
With your ashy olive-colored skin
Or the way your hair stuck to your forehead
With particles of sweat that bound it to your face
Or your muddy brown eyes
That hunted me down as though I was prey
And you were a dog on the prowl.

I never wanted you to say
That all of this was "just a game"
I was only seven years old and my childhood disappeared before my eyes
Who are you to steal that untouched innocence from my slim finger tips
Like sand, it slipped through my hands

I never wanted to believe
That I was just some textbook ****** assault victim
With a case of PTSD and low self esteem
That could literally **** anybody
It almost killed me
I became a statistic at best

I never wanted to talk about it
It took every ounce of strength that I could muster up in my small frame even though I was slightly overweight
At fourteen, seven and a half years later
I blurted out every detail of every heinous thing you had done to me
They said it would be empowering to talk about it
But it was horrible and dehumanizing at the time.

I never wanted to blame myself
Because I had the perfect situation after I spoke out
Everyone believed me, which is heaven compared to a lot of people I know
Who talked about this awful and unspeakable act and were ridiculed and spat at
By people they were supposed to be able to trust.
It is like facing abuse twice

I never wanted to admit
That you contributed to my bulimia and mental illness and promiscuity
That had you not hurt me
Maybe I could have been okay.
That I was so weak and unbalanced because of you
So I turned to everything else.

Now, many other girls experience the same torture daily
Sometimes this results in an unwanted love child
And I tend to find the word "love child" a bit ironic
Because this is the ultimate act of hate.

How can Rick ******* then turn around and tell us
That **** victims should make the best of a bad situation?
How can Cee Lo then tweet that
**** is not **** if the victim is unconscious?
How can so many bigoted men and republicans
Use alcohol to excuse assaulters and condemn survivors?

Why do we continue to tolerate this
And all of the ******* laws that still exist in 31 states
That allow a ****** to still claim custody of their children?

I have a secret for you
The child, the mother, the wife, the son, the daughter, the sister
Every victim, every survivor, everywhere
Regardless of whether they were drunk, sober
Man, woman, gay, straight, trans, or bisexual
Black, white, yellow or blue
*They never wanted to, either.