I've decided to give up on the things that make me happy because in the end I end up ******* it up anyway. I ****** up. I made the wrong choice and I am stuck here wishing that by some stretch I would obtain some life threatening disease so my ****** up tendencies would stop hurting people. But **** THAT because no matter what I think of myself, I am a good ******* person. You showed me that and I hate you for it, because apart of me is wishing I didn't think of you all the ******* time and about how much we have in common or how much I want to punch you in the throat because you know me way better than I could ever possibly know myself. I am ******* broken and the only time I feel whole is when I am with you but that feeling is far few in-between nowadays. I asked for help, I was trying to reach out to you in hopes things didn't change but I know they have. And it breaks my ******* heart with each passing day. These thoughts that encompass my mind are made up of what I have become and no one is safe from these hands that will break everything within their reach. So I give up on these things so many people want to cling to, I give up. Nothing is worth it anymore. I am destruction. Wait for it.