I think the only time i feel alive is in autumn
I sit outside on a crisp night with a smoke
the wind slowly caresses my hair.
Or
When i sit near a body of water.
alone.

When I sip some latte in a public place
I look between the faces
and wonder if these people are happy.
Do they feel alive?
I think i look for my own sorrow.
Ive been sad for so long it feels natural
Ive felt sad for so long that no one seems to notice
anymore.

Ive spent night on mens couches
with legs stretched out across them
we watch something together.
But
I just play the part.
I stroke Egos. I smile brightly.
I coo over their meaningless words.
I am just a body.
I am just a body.

Ive drank countless drinks with men.
Ive heard every flattering word.
but I am just a body

We are selfish.
We are animals.
We only look at ourselves

And no matter how much we say
we're longing for love
we always do something to wreck it
or
we love people who wont love us back

Sometimes i think I love these men.
Sometimes i just want their skin.
I know i mean nothing to them
but they don't mean anything to me either

I am sentimental to emotions and sins
not actual people.

Actually written by Mlle.