It's nights like tonight,
When I can't close my eyes,
That I walk outside,
And admire these skies.

I offer my prayer,
Aloft to the Lord.
Asking Him gently,
If He might afford.

The luxury of knowing,
The path I should take.
So I might be confident,
In not making a mistake.

Rarely do I wonder,
If my prayer is heard.
For it is my belief,
That disbelief is absurd.

Yet I can't help but doubt,
That the answer will be,
In a way I understand,
Or can even be seen.

So I look into oblivion,
This black infinity,
And I wonder and whisper:
What's the point of me?

Am I but a pawn,
In some giant game?
Is there a point to being,
Or was I born insane?

Does anything matter,
Anything at all?
Or is this just natural,
Men rise and men fall?

I feel there must be more,
Something waiting at the end.
Something calling out,
Begging me to transcend.

To see through the lies,
To find the deeper truth.
To answer the unanswerable,
And rise above my youth.

There must be something more,
Anything to give meaning.
I'll accept an honest lie,
If I could sleep this evening.

Is this normal,
To be so filled with doubt?
So conflicted and saddened,
Within and without?

These the questions,
I ask those billion lights,
On these lonely and cold,
Long sleepless nights.

Some nights I find,
My answer in the stars.
When it finally hits me:
That's all they are.

Nothing special at all,
Scientific anomalies.
Not made for wishing,
No source of fantasy.

Simply there and no more,
A billion all spread thin.
The infinite emptiness,
Crawls beneath my skin.

I have my answers,
Though not to my prayer.
But I am no wise man,
No ancient sooth-sayer.

I am but another man,
Mortal and moral.
Singular and without,
Only part of a plural.

I am without purpose,
No belief in the world.
I stand on the precipice,
My flag fallen unfurled.

My weakness is that I live,
For myself, just me.
It was the only way I had,
Of setting myself free.

Yet now, on these nights,
Under heavenly contemplation,
I regret my selfish ways,
And my human resignation.

If I am to be denied,
A higher understanding,
I then need a purpose,
To inspire commanding.

I need a focus,
A plural catalyst,
Anything to give meaning,
To why I exist.

Something to live for,
Some reason to hope.
Something to die for,
To narrow my scope.

And that is what happens,
Under these lonely skies.
On nights like tonight,
When I can't close my eyes.



This is how I feel. All the time.