I had to let go of my last crumb of denial that he was still alive
and although the pieces fit the puzzle as to what really happened to him
becoming a picture more horrible than i could have ever imagined,
the insanity of year after year of looking for a son
who seemingly vanished off the face of the Earth
was relieved of me.  
He didn't leave because he hated me
for being a failure as a mother to him
and I began,
from the moment I learned the truth of what happened on that day,
Fri. Sept. 26, 2008
forgiving myself a little bit at a time
right up this day,
6 years later in order to live with myself
and to be able to forgive those
that contributed to the taking of his life
and taking him from us.