I guess if I knew what I'd wanted then,
I wouldn't be in the mess that I'm in now;
tangled in barbed wire hearts and broken
shells of promises never kept.

I guess if I had just decided back then,
to stick to the plan
to keep my heart closed off then,
I think I may have been alright and I
wouldn't feel this intense chill
through to the ends of my bones

I guess if I could have just stayed away,
remained strong as I had for all those years before
then
you wouldn't have left me curled up waiting for death
with arms wide open,
as though death is the final relief
and not plagued with regret