I honestly do not feel right at all. How I have to listen to instructions before doing the things that I have to do, how I will get punished if I do the things the way I do. I feel so trapped. Everything's been taken away from me in a blink of an eye but not a single apology was returned. I tried so hard, gave all of me for the past 2 weeks yet I can't help but think I've just wasted my time here. You have to know that I only have three views in my life; what I want, what I need and what I deserve. But where should I ever put you in? I just can't seem to figure that out. You can give me a thousand reasons to why I am here but trust me that will never work out. You can say that it's all about accepting, you can say that there are always things that I have to live through with. Well, that's pretty much rhetorical isn't it who would ever deny? There's always so much you can say, there's always so much that you can deliver, but what always matters is what lies beneath the tip of the iceberg. I love my family, I love mum I love dad I love the people that I love and I love the things that I love but here, what should it ever mean to me? Saving my family by having them miles away from me? That's what this is all about isn't it? You took them away from me but you tell me to protect them. As much as I do not want to sound completely pathetic over this matter, I really feel the need to say that being an optimist would need more than a miracle to happen. This **** hurts so bad I feel like there's nothing more that I should ever feel. I really want to be sorry for being a huge disappointment in the eyes of those who honestly think I can do more than what I give myself credit for but, if I were to go all apologetic about me being the way I am, you wouldn't here the end of it. Never.

We'll just see how this goes cause after all, this is just only the beginning.