I haven't written anything in so long.
I guess it's because I only ever write in here when I'm sad.
And I'm sad today.
If you asked me a month ago if I was okay, I would have said yes without hesitation.
But sometimes, life gets a better of you, y'know?
It's tiring. Being in the same place over and over again.
And it feels like a never-ending train ride.
And I'm frightened at how fast it's going.
It seems like there is no way out.
I could always open the windows and jump out, but I've done that before and it didn't work.
Actually, nothing really works.
I need a miracle.
Said in a hopeful whisper to the ear of The One you know will listen.
But you're doubting again. And you just, so badly, want Him to hear you out.
It's tiring; shouting for attention. Pulling your hair out and screaming.
Tearing your skin and pulling on the wind, trying to get heaven closer to you in hopes that He will hear you better.
And you've been crying out for days now.
There is still no answer.
You are in perpetual darkness.
And it's gripping you and you're wound up so tight you can't breathe.
And you need the escape.
And you need Him.
But He's not there.
Maybe He will never be.