If I had died the night before I left
If after we went out to dinner (because you said we never go out and do nice things)
after I got tired of wearing a skirt and we got high and watched cartoons
If I had died that night, then I would still love you
If that night, while I was asleep, my heart had just
thump thump
thump thump
thump
thump

thump

stopped

then it would have loved you last.
You would hurt so bad, I know, and I'm so sorry
but you're hurting now anyway.
If I had died the night before I left
Then we would be frozen pristine

30 years from now you'd maybe remember me sometimes and think yes, I miss her.
But you would carry my love with you.

Even if I had died the night before I left, then I still wouldn't be able to fix you.
(I promise you don't deserve to hurt the way you do)
If I had died the night before I left, you would still love me.
I would be your patron saint, and everything I'd ever said would still hold my love
(I know you don't believe me, but you don't deserve to hurt the way you do).

If  I  had  died  the  night  before  I  left
I  wouldn't  ­have  abandoned  you.

you would sit by my bedside and hold my cold hands and you would know the last thing I thought of was you

if i had died the  night  before  i  left then I would be yours to keep
I would serve as a reminder that there is a spirit who eternally loves you
someone whose loved burned down so deep to their core that it stopped their heart
(i'm sorry)

If I had died the night before I left, all my promises would be safe and intact. If I had died the night before I left, I wouldn't be a disappointment, but a martyr.
The space in your head taken up by my name would not be a stain, but a battle scar.
(i'm sorry)