I believe in being shallow, in dog eat dog, i believe in contradiction, we are in a contradicting world, a contradicting universe. I want to believe in truth, but the truth is we’ll never I mean  ...I’ll never get to know the truth. I know I’ll always be about what isn't than about what is. I’ll always try to touch the void, but avoid the touch. I’ll always see things wrong and wont see fit to correct myself. I’ll always chastise myself for being there in that frame of mind, but not do anything to correct it. I’ll always have something better to do. I’ll always believe that evil is nothing, that a word is nothing more than to convey an idea, and that some of  our ideas amount to puerile . But some ideas mean something, to us, but what does that mean? What does that mean??! I believe that significance is so ******* rare. That if it is real it is rare, it is nothing. What are we I need to know, I need to see. A hot mess of molecules, yes but why? Why can’t I know that? Could all the maths in the world figure that out? Could any machine, any number of equations or satisfactory ingenuity figure it out before I die? Is it beyond our menial capacity? Why is my understanding of what is and the boundaries of what isn't so ill defined. Entitled to never know enough but to think about it. Be a reductionist. Some autofellatio. Will alienation help me deal with this fantasy? With this void of voids? Here’s no magic in people, but magic in a person? I had to do something...to do something, but is inaction any more meaningful than action? Is just that thought a self-fulfilled conduit to inaction, or is it the right thought? The right thought? What is that right thought that I need? Was is my goal? Smashing through a crash course on reality and making a hot mess of it. Beguiled by a sense of urgency.  


If only I could find the time I want to ****