I miss something about you. Perhaps it is a special sparkle, and a smile that was only mine.

Lying naked under the covers of my bed, you reminisced a few months ago, that we had grown up together, from children into adulthood. But I had recognized the ambition in you from the beginning, that ruthless ambition that would one day take you away from me.

I feel a distance, as cold as the December air, but I am still not sure why your heart has chilled toward me.

One day, you will find a beautiful girl, and I will force the jealousy far away from my heart or hide it in some corner.

Since that crazy night I finally sent you 8 texts expressing my feelings, you've tried to do things right, but I must accept that I have lost you and your love. It's not you, my darling. It's not us. It's just fate works a little differently than we wished.

I know I shouldn't hate you, nor God, nor The Fates for ******* with me. I don't know why we were given each other, to be taken away from each other. I've always known I loved you as a person, there as never a doubt in my mind. I am not sure about this, but I think I fell in love with you, also. I'm not sure. I don't know what I am saying.

I know as well as you do that a marriage would never work out between us. I've always known it, but I hate you for saying it, as we both have different reasons for it.

I wish you weren't a man *****- a **** addict, and a super hot guy who considers first and foremost the external beauty of a woman. I fell for you because you used to like me for who I was inside.  I wish your life was harder, like mine, so you could value me as much as I value you. I wish you didn't have *** with those other girls or love anyone else. Part of me wants to lose my virginity, part of me doesn't. Part of me wants to lose it to you, part of me doesn't want to give you the pleasure of knowing that you were my first and only- when you don't love me anymore. You'd have my body for a night, but I'd lose my heart.

I was strongly attached to my ex, although I never loved him. I didn't trust him, and in the end he left me for the green eyed beauty I always knew he would leave me for. I didn't care about him, but I felt  betrayed because he was my best friend. Sometimes, I think he was a better man than you- because at least he recognized that I had a reason to be angry with him. When you hurt me, you treat me like I don't even matter unless you choose to let me matter.

I love you, I miss you already, and will always regrettably save a piece of my heart for you, and hope that some way, some how, my soul will be re-united with yours in a meaningful way. Maybe its because I am a lawyer and your a finance guy that makes us connected in an odd sort of way- even though we both don't quite get each other completely, we really liked each other.

I think its more than timing. I don't think we would be right for each other for other reasons. In my personal opinion, I am not good enough for you,and I never will be. My life isn't good enough for you, my family isn't as cool as yours, my friends aren't a fun as yours, and I am not as beautiful as you are. I wish I could keep up, but I can't. I hope we can enjoy the countdown of moments that we have with each other.

Goodbye, my love. I love you. I miss you. I will remember you.