all we have to look forward to,
are solitary birthdays.
isolated, desolate,
so why not start today?

friends, ones who are constant,
will fade as fast, as footprints
in snow, as breath on glass,
and all interaction is a
futile distraction.

used to long for a phone call,
crave your attention,
yearn for your laughter,
spend days in detention,
just to talk to you,
for a minute more,
than allowed by the man,
at the front of the class.

why?

why even try?
the ties that we form,
are temporary and meant
to break, the smiles,
the warmth inside,
it's all fake. a simple
chemical reaction,
nothing more complex.

if i could take back,
those seconds, if i could
take back those moments,
the fights and the joy,
the cheers and the drinks,
i would.

hurt would be more foreign.
and the solitary birthdays,
would seem commonplace.

instead, there's you,
there's everyone else,
there's the fear that it will
all just vanish, we're just
frivolous,
superfluous,
...temporary.

wishes to speak,
words that we could say,
longing for elsewhere,
we're doomed to this fate.

if this were a dream,
at least i'd awake,
if this were a movie,
at least there'd be a plot,
if this were a song,
at least it'd be remembered,
if this were a joke,
at least there'd be a punchline.

candles, cards,
cake, and company,
i'd lose them all
to avoid these moments.
to have you back,
and unknown,
bliss.