"Sit down, shut up and listen....
"Don't tell her that your feet,
start to glisten
and go clammy when you meet,
"And keep it to yourself,
that your desperate on the shelf,
and missin' (you know what),
so desperateleeee....

"So never let her know,
you've been lickin' her window,
never  tell her of your
trouble down belowwww..!"
"And if your feelings linger,
don't offer her your fingers -
here love have a  smell!
*******!

"As  for playing hard to get,
you may as well forget,
there's nae a lassie in the
toon so desperate!"
"But don't you start a-praying,
God will laff at what you're saying,
and send you down
to Satan for a pet".

"Now it does seem that is that,
you're a skinny Welshy ****,
you will hear it from
Scotswomen one and all
They will cut you down to size,
stick their fingers in your eyes,
and make a set of earrings from your *****!"

"The only chance you got,
is to study and to swot,
to practice every hour and every day.
And if it ****** fails,
you just polish up your nails,
and sing ok, I'll be a ****** gay!"